this blog has been lynched

Tonight(new years) I watched Fight Club(it was on TV) and when the Pixies came on at the end my life made sense for about 5 minutes, ok maybe less, but it felt so good but unfortunately it did not last. I do not know what it meant or why it made sense but it did. I wish I could get that feeling back.

so the other day I returned all the gifts that I did not end up giving to people and also a few things that I didn't want/need, I got like 15o bucks for all of it. But with those gifts I was hoping to make some people happy but obviously I did not since I did not give them so this made me feel a little shittier. As I walked out of centre mall I saw a homeless man, he looked very cold and I felt bad. I figured that he could use it more than I could so I gave him the money. It made me feel a little bit better for a little while.

Southern Man

Southern man better keep your head

don't forget what your good book said

Southern change gonna come at last

now your crosses are burning fast

Southern man

I saw cotton and I saw black

tall white mansions and little shacks

Southern man when will you pay them back?

I heard screamin' and bullwhips crackin'

How long? How long?

Southern man better keep your head
don't forget what your good book said
Southern change gonna come at last
now your crosses are burning fast
Southern man

Lily Belle your hair is golden brown

I've seen your black man comin' round

swear by God I'm gonna cut him down!

I heard screamin' and bullwhips crackin'

How long? How long?

Yup Neil Young is the man. Such an amazing Canadian talent. I encourage all to partake. Oh and he has a new cd out call Prairie Winds, I have't got it yet but the song on the radio is damn good.

the line

the other day we drew a line between us

I decided enough was enough

so I placed the line down carefully

and you agreed

we stood on either side, shaking hands

and held our knives behind our backs in the other hand

so here now we stand on either side of this line

with the cruelest expression on our faces,

trying to hide how we feel,

so that the other will not gain an advantage

the battle lines were drawn, we laid down the rules and we went to war

now we stand at the line again,

waiting for anything that could be interpreted as hostility,

so that we would have reason to start the war machine

waiting for the slightest noise to startle us,

causing our finger lying on the button to slip

and launch the first missile

but we aren't generals, we don't lead countries,

or have a million man army that we can use to do our will

without having to spill a single drop of blood on our suits

it is just us, one on one, a showdown

it is a fight to the death and I'm waiting to see who will make the first move

juxtapose is such an awesome word, isn't it?

the raven

"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--

"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"

Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.

And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted---nevermore!

- Poe

escape

I close my eyes and I see a whole different world. A world of shapes and colours and flying objects. A world where there is no right or wrong. I feel everything around me and yet I cannot touch anything. There are no faces or bodies or anything that's meaning can be easily discerned. Yet there is a plain, simple object that stands out. It looks plain and simple, although I can tell that it is not. It represents something more, something special, something that is one of a kind. I can't easily describe what it looks like despite its simplicity. It isn't the outside, it's the inside that matters, on the inside it is incredibly beautiful, like the most beautiful, precious thing in the world. The shapes begin to fade into the black background. The unique one is the last to go, I want to reach out and hold onto it but I cannot, I have to let it go. My eyes slowly open and I come to a world that is so much darker. For 4 minutes I was alive and just now I died again.

There is a house at the end of the this street. This lonely, empty street. All the other homes on it were torn down, but no one took the time for this house. It was left to rot and no one gave it another thought. Now the house looks very old, like it has been there since the street was made, although it is not very old for a house. Somewhere something went wrong for this house. At one point it had a very bright and promising future; many people were interested in it. However, one day they noticed something, they saw something in the house that made them never come back again. No one came to see the house anymore. People on the street began to move away and the empty homes that no one wanted were demolished. Eventually the house was the only one that remained, sitting at the end of the street, glooming down the road. The road deteriorated after awhile, no one cared to fix it since it was never used. In the winter the house was snowed in and in the fall leaves piled up in the yard and on the roof. The paint faided, the shudders sagged, and the house groaned. There was no one there to see or hear it.

I've put you up on a pedestal high above me where I can't attain you, you would have to reach down...

Hiraedd

you make me cry, you make me smile, you make me happy, you make me live... and you don't even have to try

another day, the same thing

another day

another day to stuggle on

another day to fight the battle in my head

the troops are tired, it's been a long fight

how much longer can they hold out

before they fly the white flag and surrender

will someone please send in reinforcements

I need help

"If I don't stand my own ground how can I find my way out of this maze?"

I don't even know why I still fight it

I guess cause I care, that's the only reason

how long can I hold out

I can't give another inch, they're too close now

their goal is in sight and they surge forward more determined than ever

few notice the difference, fewer realise what's happening,

and the fewest of the few care

yet even in this state I'm still grateful

for you

so thanks

I'm sorry, I'll try to fight harder than ever

her

When I'm not thinking of her I'm depressed

She is the only thing that can make me smile

Why doe is have to be like this

It isn't going to work out

you, you, you

me, me, me

love, love, love

no

she is unbelievable

she is the sun at my back
she is the rain on my shoulders
she is the roof over my head
she is the net beneath me
she is this and nothing less

she is the air in my lungs
she is the water that composes me
she is the food that gives me energy
she is the blood in my veins
she is life and nothing less

she is the smile on my face
she is the tears on my cheek
she is the laughter in my amusement
she is the sorrow in my heart
she is my emotions and nothing less

she is the thoughts in my head
she is the movement in my limbs
she is the feeling on the inside

she is everything, nothing more and nothing less

Love

It is a strange thing and it is stranger to think about it. How can you describe love, and more so how can you name the emotion that we call "love". I feel that love is both a very beautiful thing and a burden. Love can only make you happy if it is returned back by the person you love, whether it be your lover, family, or a friend. Likewise if someone loves you and you do not love them you cannot get any joy from it.
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