amusing waste of time

words can't describe what I feel inside

do I try to hide it from myself? or pretend like its not there

I sit here, half conscious, with a blank stare

thinking that it's just not fair

but am I really aware of the pains of others?

sometimes I wonder why go on, it's just a strain

what really is going on inside my brain

and really there's nothing to gain if there's nothing to be lost

yet it still comes to me at such a cost

and maybe I can't see the forest from the trees

but it's been a long time since I could say that for the whole day I was happy

she might say I sound sappy, and I probably do

this could just be a glimpse of what's to come, a sick preview

of the deep underlying issue I fail to address

it fails, there's no progression, I just recess

I wonder when comes the success

is there come kind of process to go through to clean up this mess?

and I can't seem to impress myself these days

it feels like I'm living in a haze, dazed

and maybe someday I'll feel alright but not today

and what can I say?

what can you say to make me stay

when I said hey they all just walked away

but it won't end in swordplay cause I said fuck it

I can't seem to transmit the message; there's something I omit

and I admit that I want to submit

and there's no benefit in attempting to outwit

and in the end I feel unknit and unlit

and wonder do I really give a shit

I would quit and take a break but I can't decide

if it's teatime or wartime or just a waste of time

and after all, wasn't that the goal I seeked

yes the future appears meek

yet I shall not shreak at the absence of the reek

that I stood and lived beside for so long

now if only I could do this all week

the the days to come might not seem so bleak